unfiction.com

Yes, yes, I know I've been lax about updating these rumor pages. I totally missed posting about the end of Chasing the Wish and the whole Metacortechs game (which I might not have posted about anyway, seeing as how I was involved in the development). But keep watching here and especially on the forums, a window to the rumors section of which you may always find on the main rumors page. Most times, the forums are way ahead of my slow HTML coding anyway! 😉

"TELEPORT is a Multidimensional Transport System."

After a few members of the ARG community received a cryptic email pointing to the Red Kore Communications website, confusion reigned. The site was even more cryptic than the short emails introducing it. Red Kore sells kits, or "trips," that…well we're not sure exactly what they do.

Red Kore issued a press release today, which helps clear up matters a little. That is, if your definition of "clear up" is "further confuse matters." It stated in part:

TELEPORT is a fun, easy-to-use guide to astral projection and other forms of non-physical travel. It was created to satisfy the surging interest in tools for exploring non-physical dimensions.

TELEPORT is intended for a broad audience, ranging from ardent spiritual seekers to club-goers looking for something to get the night moving. For those with spiritual leanings, TELEPORT is a fine complement to popular practices such as yoga and meditation.

We have no idea what this means, but we like it. Check out the full press release here (Adobe PDF), then jump into the forum to contribute a little brainpower to the task of understanding what the hell this is all about. Enjoy your trips!

By: Two Babes with Boobs

Unfiction.com stunned the ARG world today with its announcement that it is closing up shop. Unfiction Supreme Leader and Chief Nipple Tweaker, SpaceBass, said that he was “tired of all the shenanigans” and that he “really needs to focus on what matters in life.” It is reported that he has forsaken women and will enter the St. Joseph Monastery for the Terminally Geeky in Aglaura, NJ, next month. In a show of solidarity, ARGN members will also close down their sites by the end of the month. Bill has decided to change his site to toppsoff.us, and will be setting up his first nudist Internet café in Tampa. Vpisteve expects to parlay his music career into an opportunity with the Celine Dion show. “I could be a back-up musician, but I’m really hoping for Chief Eyebrow Waxer,” he enthused. Jamesi announced plans to join the Canadian Olympic Field Hockey Team. “I love the knee socks and kits. Plus, all that running and squatting keeps my buttocks tight and perky.”

Unfiction regulars were numb with shock and awe. “How will this affect my stats?” wondered Fireball, who says he has no current plans other than to continue working on his idea for the first national chain of “Pussy Licks” cat grooming salons. Other regulars were reportedly crying “booty!” and running around looking for TOOCs. The few we talked to who were actually coherent gave us this rundown on their future, Unfiction-free lives.

Imbri will realize a life-long dream and move from Florida to Antarctica to study penguins, she informed this reporter. “I’m tired of all this nice weather.”

Aveena was not particularly worried about her future. “I can always return to the strip club, there’s an open invitation for me there.”

Ozy_y2k has decided to run for an as-yet unnamed political office on the new, “Wordy Bloggers” party ticket. His platform will be available next week on a 10 CD set in zipped format.

Lou is working on plans to audition for the next American Idol. “I’ll make Simon purr like a kitten,” he promised. His repertoire includes hits by crooners Frank Sinatra, Mel Torme, Sammy Davis Jr., and Whitney Houston.

ScarpeGrosse has announced that she is in talks with the Playboy Channel Network to host a new sports talk show, tentatively titled “Tits ‘N Tackles.” First guests will be members from the Ann Arbor Coed Naked Lacrosse Team.

Gupfee has moved to Scotland to become an apprentice at the historic Glenfiddich whiskey distillery. Sources site a general fear at the distillery that most whiskey will be distilled via liver function, not cask.

Diandra will be opening her own theme park in the Orlando area. “DiandraWorld” will feature rides like the exciting “Hair Whip,” where riders swing around on long blond tresses, and the “Decolletage Drop.”

Sapagoo will set up his own Internet-based detective agency, Stalkers R Us. “It’s remarkable what you can find with Google and a little persistence,” he comments.

Unfiction regular Tien Le could not be located for comment. A neighbor in Seattle reported that she was last seen getting into a taxicab headed for the airport muttering something like “Goa’uld” and “need to get to Stargate mission control.”

In another possibly related event, our Canadian correspondent tells us that several Tim Hortonses in the Toronto area have been seized by hordes of ninja ferrets and gerbils. Police are not commenting, but an inside source told us that a demand for ARGN’s complete and immediate return has been delivered to the RCMP headquarters by several gerbils wearing masks.

Normally I dread receiving correspondence from lawyers, but when the lawyer is the famous Stephen Lake of Landau, Luckman, and Lake, it's a completely different story.

Stephen Lake wrote:
We have reason to believe that the following information was intended for general release. We are unable to divulge the source or offer any interpretation of the contents.

Attached to the email was this video [QuickTime, 3.5MB]. Thoughts?

Jabooty and Danman_d ganged up announcing today's rapid-fire CTW updates. There were changes made to both the Chasing The Wish site and the Speed Hunting Club. Could this be the beginning? Check out the unforum and drop by #ctw on irc.chat-solutions.org to help us brainstorm.